he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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