I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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