It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
