I hate all girls vehemently.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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