I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
