We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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