Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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