Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Green mimosas i think yes
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
