you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
