Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
