so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
