I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
