so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
my liver is dry heaving
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
