Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
