So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
