after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
