i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
