Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
