id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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