I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
