btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
