I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
