K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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