She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
