rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize