i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I deserve this hangover.
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