I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
