I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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