True but thats because hes a fetus.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
