I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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