U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
