i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Damn victory sex feels great
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
