I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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