Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
