How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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