I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
