i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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