You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
