I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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