i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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