i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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