Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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