I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
