i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
