Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
