how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
God, I missed his penis.
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