Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
They are going to name an STD after you.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
