Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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