So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
