I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize