Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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