I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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