Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
