Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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