like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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