Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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