I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
