I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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