I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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