He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
