Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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