Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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