he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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