her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
