she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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