Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
