tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
