$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
